Im at strip club and am horny
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
