I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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