Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
