I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
