Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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