i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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