Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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