They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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