used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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