we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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