She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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