and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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