You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
