I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
