they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
