I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
