You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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