My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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