Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
