nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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