why didn't you poke me back
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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