I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
