just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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