So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
