Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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