you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
