4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize