remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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