He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
