just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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