Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's just like the Real World with babies
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
