Umm I'm too high to move.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
