How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
