I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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