just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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