No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
