Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im six kinds of drunk right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
