After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
