i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
