There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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