3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
