Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
