after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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