when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
