When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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