you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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