I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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