I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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