I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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