ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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