I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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