Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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