I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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