oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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