I will die if light touches me.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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