I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
