proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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