how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
