Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
