don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
