God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
