i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
