these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
