you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
