You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
