Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
