Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm passing your future prison.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize