i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
