I smell stomach acid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
