I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
