I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
