wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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