Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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