we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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