And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize