I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
