She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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