I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
